Smithsonian

by yankeefran, posted in Uncategorized

This song makes me wonder if sarcasm develops with age for everyone? I know that I’ve had a sarcastic streak since around 14 when the hormones first took hold of me. My family was often the target for my nasty comments (sorry, Ma). I’m definitely ten times worse today compared to then but I am more discreet about when I use it (i.e. Out with friends? Yes! Parent/Teacher conference? No. Teacher PD meeting? Depends on where I’m sitting).

This song, “Smithsonian”, makes me think that maybe one or more of the band members who are now in their late 30s and early 40s have a bit of a sarcastic streak themselves.

Get the young scientists, tell them “come quick”
I must be the first man that’s ever seen this
Lines on my face, my teeth are not white
My eyes do not work and my legs don’t move right

I love how they are saying that their realization of how time has affected them physically MUST be so unique that they should be studied as oddities. Surely, no other person has lines on their faces and eyesight that comes and goes depending on how tired one feels. They go on to list some cliches that also ring true to anyone over the age of 40.

Call the Smithsonian I made a discovery
Life ain’t forever and lunch isn’t free
Loved ones will break your heart with or without you
Turns out we don’t get to know everything

My bedroom’s an office, my kitchen’s a car
My life is a joke and my bathroom’s a bar
I go there a lot, more than I should
I know I should stop but it feels too damn good

I can relate to having a computer and various bits of school work in my bedroom while there have been too many days where I have eaten meals in my car, running from one errand to another. I’m at a loss for the bathroom line…if anyone else can figure it out, please let me know! But the last two lines make a lot of sense because I think anyone can relate to doing something too much that you know ISN’T good for you but feels VERY good at the time. (For me this list includes dunking Oreos in milk and downing more than one shot of Tequila. In both cases the first one is the hardest but the others just flow until I’m in a overdone haze).

Since I am of the age where AARP feels well within its rights to send me recruiting letters ( rat bastards!), I have noticed some oddities in my everyday life that definitely can be misunderstood by Generation Y and Zs (what is the next generation of kids going to be labeled? Gen “Next time sing along with me”?). In the spirit of this song, I have created my own list of Smithsonian artifacts along with the wings in which I assume you would find them:

Welcome Back, Kotter Wing- “Back in my day”, kids didn’t talk back to teachers. If my sisters or I tried to do so, my parents would have punished me much harsher than any teacher would have. Those “sweathogs” would now be in an alternative school setting with no such label hurting their delicate feelings. If you don’t know what a sweathog is, stop watching “Temptation Island” and put the Decades channel on once in a while.

Golden Oldies Wing– I don’t know how to use regular radio anymore. I felt like hearing some good 60s-70s rock the other day and it was almost an hour before any band pre-1980 was played. Just when the hell did Pearl Jam become “classic rock”? I mean they formed in 1990 which means they have only been together for…aw, shit. 1990 was 29 years ago? Nevermind (which is 28 years old)…

Which Way Do I Go? Wing– I still use Mapquest when I’m trying to find directions to a place and print them out. Why do this when I have GPS on my phone? Because I still don’t trust the GPS will work as well as the Mapquest directions. I also advise people to go to Triple A for their Trip Ticket when driving long distances. I love how they outline the map for you complete with rest stops. Anyway, the lady voice on my GPS sounds like Karen from Will and Grace (the Original series) which doesn’t inspire much confidence.

Sleeping Beauty Wing– I used to only need to take naps when I was sick or when I didn’t get at least 4 hours of sleep. Now I only take naps when a day ends in the letter “y”. And sometimes twice on Sundays.

Changes in Change Wing- I still carry a small change purse just so I can pay with exact change. Apparently, millennials don’t carry pennies with them. It’s either buy things that end with fives and zeros only or it’s the debit card all the way! I’ve had younger people look at me with disgust when I wait for my change of 2 cents. You never know when that cup of coffee is going to cost $2.37 (all right, it’s every day at Dunkin Donuts).

Calling All Angels Wing- I have no idea how to look up phone numbers anymore. Using a phone book was so easy as long as you knew how to spell the person’s last name. But they are useless for cell phone numbers. Everytime I try to use an online directory to get a cell phone number, there is always a charge. I didn’t realize the “cell” in cell phones was actually referring to selling the phone numbers. I miss the days when you could say “Operator? Can you help me place this call?” (you get 10 old points for knowing the singer who crooned out this lyric…oh, and millennials don’t use the word croon either).

Mixtape Wing– Creating a playlist just isn’t the same as spending hours by the radio waiting for your favorite songs to come on so you could press the record and play buttons at the same time. It also seems lazier than recording songs from various albums in order to get just the right mix. And apparently you can “send ” a playlist by email which I have no idea how to do. (No, child. I don’t want to learn either.)

Faucet is Fine Wing- I live in Colonie and used to live in Albany, Latham, and Rochester. I never had a problem with drinking water from any of my house taps. I only use bottled water when I’m at work or going out. I have seen young people look at me with disgust when I filled my water glass from the faucet. As long as it’s cold, I’m drinking it. And there’s no worry of where to leave my various bottles so that they can be recycled to save the earth.

If any of these scenarios seemed familiar to you, then you too may be a boring old fart or as the youngsters say a “BOF”. Oh well, at least I’m hip with the lingo.


Victims of Life

by yankeefran, posted in Uncategorized

The word victim is one of those words that has highly personal and negative connotations for me. Beyond the unfair nature that surrounds people who are true victims (i.e. children who are abused, adults who are violated physically, unlucky people in the path of a natural disaster), to be a victim in my mind has represented choosing to let problems overcome you. It may sound uncaring or judgmental, but I’ve always seen someone who takes on the label of being a victim as someone who has chosen to give away their power.

Before you click right off of this post with disgust over my lack of empathy, let me explain that the perceived victim that I have judged the most harshly is myself. In the past, I have not only let myself be viewed as a victim but whole-heartedly advertised myself as one. I reveled in the feeling of people feeling sorry for me because of some event that happened to me. I’m not sure where this developed in my childhood but I suspect it has to do with the fact that I never really dared to emote my true feelings when I was younger. I was always the shy smiley kid in the corner who on the inside really was terrified of life in general. When life did give me a kick in the teeth, instead of complaining I would wait for someone to notice my situation. It felt so rewarding to have someone try to stand up for me as opposed to me actually expressing my anger over it. I’m thankful that I outgrew that persona but not so proud about how long it took. I think I carried this “poor me” attitude well into my 30s.

When did I stop proudly wearing the victim pin of honor? I think it was around the time that I first learned about the power of the Law of Attraction. I realized that as long as I carried around this doomsday kind of attitude about bad luck bringing tragedies to my door, there was never going to be any kind of hope for an enriching future. I began to revel in the possibilities of the future right around the time of my niece’s birth. She was born into a family (on my side) of women who had their share of bad luck. Here are just a few of the curveballs that life has thrown at us: death of a beloved son, brother, nephew at age 27, inherited and crippling rheumatoid arthritis, being forced to give away a child (and being that child who was given away), brain cancer, leukemia, fatal car crashes, years lost to family feuds between husbands, and countless miscarriages. Yet we have many more women still standing in our family than men. It is that strength that I saw and continue to see in my niece that gives me hope for the future.

You may have noted some of the difficulties that my family faced are similar or identical to yours. I think that this is one of the messages of the song, “Victims of Life”. As they rattle off a list of the types of victimhood found in life, there is a sense of belonging and affinity which resonates alongside the jaunty guitar riffs. It almost gives off the feeling of the celebration of being a victim.

Victims of cycles, victims of life
Victims of wrong, victims of right
Victims of winning, victims of loss
Victims of payment, victims of cost
You got the victims of violence, victims of peace
You know we’re all victims, exactly like me
Victims of anything, and all the above
Victims of hate, victims of love

I think most of us can relate to feeling like victims when we have had loss, violence, or unfairness permeate our lives. But when I first heard the lyrics to this song, I immediately felt confused about the seemingly “positive” victims like those of peace, of winning, and of payment. Maybe they are alluding to the fact that your perspective of events can taint your responses to those events? Yes, you received the payment but it wasn’t what you thought you deserved. The peace brought to you may come at the cost of your pride being swallowed. And I think we can all relate to “winning” an argument only to realize that what really had worth was lost to you forever.

I think the core of my interpretation of the song hinges on the verse below:

My soul’s got a shovel, mind’s got two arms
They’re digging a trench, right through my heart
They can’t agree, except on one thing
They’ve gone too far now and they’re too close to leave

I believe what the Avett Brothers are advocating is the act of digging deep to find ways to relate to one another. There is no judgment on their part on any kind of victim because they feel that everyone is working through their own shit. By acknowledging the fact that we all are facing inner demons, we can all find ways to accept one another and to have empathy for what others are going through even if we can’t immediately relate to it.

Looking within takes lots of strength and will power. Taking what you learned about yourself and applying it to the suffering of another is an act of courage and faith. As Seth sings, if you live in fear, you’re already dead. Don’t keep yourself closed off to someone because you have fear of the pain he/she is facing. Be willing to be part of the solution and to let him/her know that you have been there too. I think that is the only kind of victim I want to be.

Black, Blue

by yankeefran, posted in Uncategorized

This haunting song was one that I didn’t like upon hearing it the first few times. The title made me think of ways that we hurt each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It made me feel sad and exacerbated a feeling of hopelessness that I had felt about certain situations. My mom had just entered a rehab center to recover from her broken arm which meant spending the holidays away from home, and my mood wasn’t at the highest. I think this contributed to my initial rejection of the song.

But “Black,Blue” and especially the chorus have stalked me the last few weeks. The lyrics have echoed in my mind at really weird times like when I first arise in the morning, when I’m showering, or when I’m driving and listening to another song entirely. The powerful chorus is short and mournful.

Black, blue, her, you
White, green, him, me

8 little words with no verbs…why couldn’t I get them out of my head? I’ve intended to write about this song for the last few posts but couldn’t find the inspiration or my reason for writing about it. Suddenly, this morning it hit me: the colors and the meaning behind them. The energy behind those colors had a message worth sharing.

I have read about the spiritual significance of colors mainly in Dougal Fraser’s book, Your Life in Color. This book explores the significance that color can play in your day to day decisions. He explains how to use the energy given off by each color to help you accomplish your goals. I was fascinated by the energies held by the 4 colors in the chorus of this song.Here was my inspiration finally to write this post.

Black– I was so excited to look back at Your Life In Color in order to see what Fraser wrote about this color only to be disappointed because he doesn’t have it listed as one the energies. So a quick google search found some associations with the color black at the following site: https://www.bourncreative.com/meaning-of-the-color-black/

Black is associated with power, fear, mystery, strength, authority, elegance, formality, death, evil, and aggression, authority, rebellion, and sophistication. Black is required for all other colors to have depth and variation of hue…Black is a mysterious color that is typically associated with the unknown or the negative. (Jennifer Bourne, http://www.bourncreative.com)

Fraser does have energies listed for the other colors. After highlighting some of the energies surrounding these colors, I will analyze why I feel this song has been stalking me lately (If you find this topic of energies behind colors at all fascinating like I do, I highly recommend getting yourself a copy of Your Life in Color. It is filled with various ways to use color to your advantage.).

Blue- positive qualities -truth and wisdom shadow side- avoidance and fear: Blue helps remove any possible denial we may experience when it comes to seeing others for who they really are as opposed to who we want them to  be…just as blue must be incorporated as a base in order to create a variety  of colors,a willingness to blend the truth into every situation is a primary  ingredient in learning blue’s lesson (pp71-72, chapter 5).

White– positive qualities – spiritual cleansing and clarity shadow side-feeling overwhelmed by responsibility. The white light illuminates the parts of our being needing attention as well as the parts that can be released…When using white, we intend to create a fresh start in whatever we focus on. 

White represents a new chapter and a new set of intentions, creating a sense of clarity in our lives (pp28-29, Chapter 2).

Now, Fraser has two types of green listed, emerald green and mint green. I was drawn more to the emerald green so here is what he says about this color.

Green-  positive qualities- communication and creativity . shadow side- blocked self-expression..I find that deeper shades (of green) like emerald are best for when you want to let your creative juices flow. 

On the communication front, emerald will help clear misunderstandings in your relationships and allow  you to find the most perfect words to express yourself (pp93-94, Chapter 6).

I really was amazed when I finished looking up these colors and their associative energies because they not only seemed to go along with the story told in the song but also provided guidance that seemed to be tailored to some common negative situations in which many people (including myself) may find themselves. The first stanza has the narrator cutting off communication with the outside world.

Nobody will call

As long as I keep the phone off the line Not as long as I keep my voice down inside my mouth But it’s getting harder to hide.

The negative energy of the black can be read and heard in these lyrics. When someone has cut you out of his/her life like the narrator has done, you often have many unanswered questions. The mystery never leaves you thinking positively but does cause you to jump on every negative possibility that crosses your confused mind. The blue energy of avoidance and fear can also be felt when the narrator tries to shut out “…the voices that seem to come from all sides/Makes it hard to decide”. When you are shutting yourself away from others, it can be hard to know which voices are real and which are ones that your Ego is using to keep you stuck.

The green energy of miscommunication is clearly stated in how the narrator feels that people will never consider him to be “…a fine, young, upstanding man/with his ducks in a row and his 50 year plan”. But the narrator actually does worry about how and if he will grow into an older wise man. A

But it’s getting harder to see
And the time between daylight seems longer to me
And the person I am, and the person I’ll be
Refuse to meet

This dark night of the soul is eating away at this man even though others may see him as being carefree and devoid of any responsible thoughts at all. The narrator isn’t the only one in this song who feels the pressure of not reaching his potential. There is a woman who is rocking the negative aspects of the white energy when she looks at her past choices with regret.

I know a woman who said
“Oh if I could only just turn back the clock
When I was still scared and my hair was still dark
And my hands were clean
But now all my choices are spent
And the men that I’ve known, they don’t know what I meant
And Cupid’s arrow is backwards and bent
When it’s flying for me”

She is an older woman who can relate with the younger narrator in that she is faced with miscommunication of her intentions. Her hands are no longer clean because she allowed them to become stained with the fear (black) and blundered conversations (green) of her past. The shadow sides of these colors are echoed throughout the song.

The teacher in me can’t leave this grim analogy here and so I ask, where is the lesson? Is this song just a hopeless representation of how wasted a life or a connection can be? Did this song stalk me just to point out how isolated and sad life can be? No. Here is the advice (ala Dougall Fraser) I would offer in the seemingly hopeless situations represented in the song. Consider it a color prescription for your soul when you are going through these common struggles.

Issue #1– You are cutting yourself off from communicating with the ones you care about.- Look for the strength within yourself to reach out to others. If you need help, ask for it. Harness the strength associated with the color of black to help you break down the wall between you and the people you love. Keeping yourself isolated only allows the demons in your mind to take control and cause you to make mistake after mistake. If there is someone you care about that you are ghosting from your life, use the wise energy of blue to stop denying your feelings. By reaching out to heal your own heart’s wounds, you most likely will be a healing tonic for the soul of another.

Issue #2- Like the woman in the second stanza, you are feeling regret over past decisions concerning your romantic life.– Use the healing power of white to give yourself permission to start again. Whether you are 25 or 75, everyone deserves a fresh start. Use white to spotlight what the regrets are and then let them go! A perfect time to do this is when the moon is full. Take advantage of the gorgeous milky moonlight to release your regrets and to call in your next love. Set the intention to bring love into your life and use the novel energy of white to begin again.

Issue #3– You are scared over the unknowns of your future self and find others are judging you harshly– Make all your future decisions based on your own personal truths. Contemplate or meditate on what those personal truths are and then act on them. Whether your personal truth is that you are a nurturer who can no longer work in the cut-throat world of business or that your artistic side is one that you can no longer pursue only when you have time, own it and breathe life into it. Use the abundant blue in nature (i.e. sky, ocean, flowers) to inspire you to live according to your beliefs. If that means you need to stage a little rebellion, look to black to help you do so without hurting anyone else. Use the green creative energy to express yourself and use the wisdom of blue to disregard what others think or say.

I am so glad that I gave this song a chance to deliver its message (as I interpret it) and to help me reflect on what I learned about color energy. I hope it encourages you to use a rainbow to help you through the tough moments in life.

I Wish I Was…

by yankeefran, posted in Uncategorized

There’s nothing like a love song as far as I’m concerned, and “I Wish I Was” appeals to the idealistic Libra in me so much. Each stanza seems to speak to a romantic ideal associated with having a loving partner. But then the Scorpio side of me thinks cynically about these interpretations and gives them a darker twist. It’s like having an angel and a devil on each shoulder. I realize this makes me sound slightly bipolar, but I’m rolling with it anyway. (Again, my common disclaimer is that I have no idea what the Avett Brothers intended when they wrote this song.) So here are my reflections on this quirky love song.

Romantic or Cynical?

First stanza-   

I wish I was a flame dancing in a candle
Lighting up your living room high on the mantle
I could bring some romance without any scandal
And then when you were done you’d just put me out

My romantic take: The candle represents the way love can light up your life and help you find your way. When you are facing a problem, it seems less daunting when you have a loved one facing it with you. The soft light given off by candles, of course, is highly romantic itself. The candle’s placement “high on the mantle” shows how he wants to protect his lover from all the darkness in the world. The blowing out of the flame by the woman is a chivalrous way to let her lead the way in the relationship.

My cynical take: The candle represents how passion can lead you to do things without thinking about the repercussions of your actions. Wanting to be placed “high on a mantle” isn’t putting someone on a pedestal but staying detached enough to make a quick escape. Alternatively, the placement could mean that the writer puts his needs above his lover’s. Extinguishing the flame is the ultimate end to the honeymoon period of any relationship.

Second stanza-

I wish I was a tune you sang in your kitchen
Putting your groceries away and washing your dishes
I could float around your tongue and ease the tension
And then when you were done you’d just quiet down

My romantic take: The tune represents the companionship that comes with being in love with your best friend. Your loved one helps you tackle the errands around the house as well “ease the tension” of the stresses of everyday life. Again, the woman is given the option of when to stop the flow of love by quieting down.

My cynical take: This stanza is all about listening to the lover prattle on about the everyday nonsense in life but never really hearing or caring about the details. Floating around the tongue and easing the tension is all about the sex which is more important to the writer than all this damn talking. The quieting down is what the writer most wants, just stop your damn complaining!

Third stanza:

I wish I was a sweater wrapped around your hips
And when it got too cold into me you’d slip
And when the sun came back you would hang me up
And I would watch you while you undress

My romantic take: Love can warm you up like a cozy sweater on a windy day. It is there for you on the cold days, the cool days (“around your hips), and even the warm days hung up in a closet, close enough to wrap yourself back in. The last line represents how the verb love works: it stands by you, unwavering, as you unveil your deepest thoughts, hopes, and fears.

My cynical take: Love can become obsessive and overwhelming, just as you can be swallowed up by an oversized sweater. It is how a person can lose his/her identity by no longer being yourself but by changing into the writer’s girlfriend or wife. Again, the lustful energy of sex is reflected in the last line.

Now before you click off this post and think that I am just reading too much into the lyrics, let’s look at the chorus:

But if I get too close
Will the magic fade?
Would I turn you off or away?
If I pull you in
Now would I push you out
Of something here you care about?
Well I’m at a loss for what to do
But I’m drawn to you

Tell me these words aren’t filled with the same dichotomy I wrote about in the stanzas above? It really does speak to the confusion and the insecurity that is part of the act of “being in love”. Going into a relationship with a highly romantic view of how it will develop can be just as bad as going in with a cynical attitude. But in the end the writer makes clear that this song is a letter of apology for past mistakes.

I’m not a song
I am not a sweater
I’m not a fire
I am something better
I’m a man in love writing you a letter
Will you take it
Will you keep it
Will you read it
Believe it
I love you
I’m sorry.

The honest and direct apology can only be interpreted in a positive way. And I think this is how most good relationships flow. We try our best to support our partners and to show our love through different ways. But when we inevitably fuck up, the most heartfelt way to fix things is through an apology with appropriate actions. And the most mature way to respond is with forgiving open arms, realizing that you too will one day need the same magnanimous treatment.

So, who wins? The romantic angel or the cynical devil? I think the person who has a partner who is self-aware enough to recognize when he/she is wrong and savvy enough to approach with a heart-felt apology is the ultimate winner. And as long as the Avett Brothers keep writing these nuanced love songs, I will keep writing about them. It’s up to you whether that’s a good thing or not.

Pick a Pile 2-18-19

by yankeefran, posted in Uncategorized

Since school is off this week, I will be doing a few pick a pile readings. Today’s focus is abundance and how to attract more of it into your life. For those who haven’t picked a pile yet, here was the layout.

I used the Psychic Tarot for the Heart, the Wisdom of the Oracle, and a new deck (which I love!) called Crystal Visions Tarot. Here we go!

If you picked pile #1, here is your reading spread:

With Treasure Island right in the middle, I knew this was going to be a good one!

Observe (Hanged Man in traditional tarot)- This card urges you not to take action but rather to sit back and wait patiently for the seeds you have planted to sprout. It also suggests that you need to take a new perspective on the situation because you may be too fixed on one way to bring the abundance you want into your life. You have luck in reversing a negative trend in finances at this time.

Treasure Island– You will soon have abundance appearing as if from nowhere. You are in a true manifestation period where creative projects and business matters are surrounded by luck and prosperity. This card also carries the message that you should be prepared to be generous and to show gratitude for the blessings coming your way.

Death– For those unfamiliar with the tarot, I just want to say that this does not portend a physical death. It is often a sign of an end to a certain way of life. Taken with the other cards, I interpret its meaning as preparing yourself for cutting something out of your life that is no longer in line with the positive abundance period you are experiencing. Leave the negative attitudes and scarcity mindset behind. Express the gratitude called for in card #2

Overall message: You may have to be patient but a great manifestation period is coming your way. Prepare for it by expressing gratitude for the blessings already in your life and by ditching any beliefs that make you worry for the future.

Very similar reading to #1 and blessed with 2 major arcana cards.

Embrace– (The World in traditional tarot)- Energies are coming together to give you what you need and want. Much like reading #1 your dreams of abundance are ready to manifest. All you need to do is receive it with a grateful heart. You are receiving money from more than one source, and new opportunities in career matters will be falling into your lap.

Building Blocks– You have a firm foundation upon which to grow your prosperity. Make sure your intentions are clearly stated when taking your next steps. Your creativity is divinely inspired and your focus should be on how to build upon your current successes. Don’t forget to be of service to others as you manifest the next round of abundance. By building up others you will attract more prosperity into your life.

Judgement- You are really being called to “share the wealth” as far as your abundance is considered. This card represents a fresh start where past wrongs are put right. Don’t forget those who helped you along the way. This card also advises you to remember that your abundance didn’t happen overnight. In order to keep it flowing, remember to be patient when waiting for the growth of any future projects.

Overall message: You are getting what you have worked so hard to achieve. Take this abundance and use it as a launching pad for your future growth and for the betterment of others, especially those who have helped you along the way.

Lots of hard work ahead with a promise of blessings ahead.

Success and Growth– The power of manifestation is around you and is pushing you towards success. Listen for nudges and messages from others including the Divine. Old ways of thinking are coming to an end in order for the new growth to take place. Take those nuggets of wisdom that are occuring in your life and act on them. You will also be learning a lot about yourself during this period and what you find out may surprise you in a good way. You have what it takes to promote yourself and your ideas which will lead to your abundance.

Yang– You are being called to take action because it is a fertile time to do so. Any obstacles that were in your way are now cleared away. You will be very busy getting things done but will find that you have all the energy and vitality to accomplish the tasks. You will have the power to get everything done. You are the shaper of your destiny, and there is no reason to hesitate. Abundance will be waiting for you at the end of this busy time.

Page of Cups– This card is confirmation that you will be reaping abundance from all the hard work you are putting into your projects. This is the only reading that hints at perhaps an abundance of the heart, i.e. a new relationship or the deepening of a current relationship. Your abundance will also come in the form of a sense of calm after lots of turmoil and worry.

Overall meaning: You are at the beginning of a manifestation period that will require you to roll up your sleeves and get to work. However, the project you will be busy at work on is surrounded by the certainty of success and a future of calm acceptance of abundance.

February 7

by yankeefran, posted in Avett Brothers

This is one of those songs that fans love to argue about. Some insist it is about an addiction journey taken by one of the brothers. Others insist it is about an illicit affair and the way back to his marriage vows. Scott wrote it and will only say that it was a significant day in his life that he won’t talk about. That ends the discussion as far as the writer in me is concerned. But it didn’t stop me from wanting to write about the inspiration I get from it.

Going by what little Scott has said about this song, it’s evident this was a day which is etched in his memory. He sings about a critical dark memory with such clear focus:

I was on the mend when I fell through.
The sky around was anything but blue.
I found as I regained my feet
A wound across my memory
That no amount of stitches would repair.

We all have days like that, days that we either remember with glorious joy, cringing regret, or deep despair. These days need no special stickers on the calendar or email reminders sent to bring the details back to mind. This song has brought some of my personal dates to mind. September 6th, 2000, is a day I will always remember as the day I first met my beautiful niece. I was starting a new job and was at meetings all day. I kept looking at my phone to see if she had arrived. I was sure that I would hear by lunch time and when I hadn’t, I started to get nervous for my sister who had been in labor since about 5:30 in the morning. I found out around 3:00 that she had finally given birth. I was driving from Latham to Albany in such a giddy daze because I was finally Aunt Franny.

Another date that I will always remember is May 15, 2013 which is the day my father died. I had just visited with him earlier that day and had witnessed him saying goodbye to his brother and brother in law. He asked me to leave the room so I don’t know exactly what was said but I do know that even as I fed him some of his italian ice, I had convinced myself that he would hold on for at least a few more days. I was wrong. When the phone rang and I saw the hospital name come across the screen, my hands shook as I listened to the nurse tell me that my father had taken a turn for the worse and that I needed to bring my mother back to the hospital (she had just left less than an hour before). He was already gone before we got there.

One last date that I can recall easily is January 8, 2016. It was the last day I worked in a district that hadn’t treated me too well as an employee. I have written about falling out with the administrator of that building and I was so eager to leave and start over in a new (old) district. I was finally returning to teach the primary grade students that I had so missed. As eager as I was to leave, it was with mixed emotions. I was leaving some very good friends and colleagues who I still miss to this day. I had also just heard about another colleague from another building who lost his wife unexpectedly a few days before and that was devastating to hear. Now that I was leaving the district, I felt like I was abandoning this person at such an important time in his life. It ended up being a very somber and wistful day where I was unsure of the future. I still can feel the melancholy every year when this day pops up in the beginning of a new year.

But what about those days that are just as significant yet carry no memory of a specific date? Surely, those days are just as important to our personal history? For instance, I don’t remember the date of the conversation I had with my father when I asked him if he was willing to pay for me to study abroad in England. I was 90% sure that he was going to say no and can remember my heart beating so fast as I made the decision to ask him. He was driving me in his truck, and we were at a stoplight. As I felt my heart jump to my throat, I finally asked the question that would end up not only changing the course of my junior year in college but also the course of my life. His surprise “Yes” had me walking on clouds for many months (it also irritated my mother to no end because she was dead set against it). It ranks right up there with the birth of my niece as one of the best days in my life yet I couldn’t even tell you the month.

Another mental souvenir from my past evokes regret when I recall it. A summer romance I had ended when my partner went off to college. I decided to surprise him with an unannounced visit. A good friend went with me, and we managed to track down his dorm and heard his guitar playing coming from behind the door (always a sucker for a musician). I knocked on the door anticipating our sweet reunion, calling out his name excitedly…and he never answered. He just stopped playing and pretended like he wasn’t there. I was mortified but also a bit naive. It just didn’t make sense to me. Why wouldn’t he open the door? Maybe he was sick? What if his depression had returned? I came up with every lame excuse I could think of to explain his silence. My more perceptive friend gently told me that he probably wasn’t anticipating me being on campus, and he may have had someone with him in the room. My heart was shattered, and I was silent the whole ride home. I was devastated by his callousness and started shielding my heart in a way that haunted me for years. While it doesn’t rank with losing my father, it does represent one of many times that I’ve had a man totally abandon me with no explanation. Again, it might have been September or it could have been January. The exact date is lost in my emotional memory.

The day you get married…the birth of your first child…the death of a significant other. These are all days that have a fixed date attached to them because of the obvious way your life was changed. I would like to argue that we have many more events in our mind’s eye that are equally transformational. They are so momentous that parts of ourselves are changed forever. Our wide-eyed view of the world can be changed in the amount of time it takes for a father to say yes or the man you love to ignore you with silence. These are moments that need no date attached to lend them gravitas. What we do know is that our essence was changed either for the better or the worse from that point on. So, we do what Scott sings about in the chorus:

There’s no fortune at the end of the road that has no end.
There’s no returning to the spoils
Once you’ve spoiled the thought of them.
There’s no falling back to sleep
Once you’ve wakened from the dream.
Now I’m rested and I’m ready
To begin.
I’m ready to begin.

When you think about those dateless memories of your life, especially the painful ones, try to be gentle with yourself. Take a deep breath, focus on what it taught you, and be grateful that you are now evolved and further down the road of life. Remember that every day is a chance to begin anew. Don’t allow others to tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel. And never feel pressured to explain those feelings to anyone unless it will serve to help you heal. I hope Scott never reveals the events behind these lyrics. Having the gift of this song is enough explanation for me.

Pick a Pile 2-16-19

by yankeefran, posted in Pick a Pile Tarot, Uncategorized
Cards from Psychic Tarot, Psychic Tarot for the Heart, and Animal Tarot


Here we go with today’s pick a pile. If you haven’t done so yet, chose a pile you are drawn to. The intention I set when pulling the cards was to give advice about loved ones, not just romantic partners. Before I get to the interpretations, I just want to remind you that these are general readings so not all details may not resonate with you. Just take what helps you. If you would like a 9 card reading tailored to your questions, they are only $33.00. You will receive pictures of each 3 card layout and a full explanation. OK, onto the readings…

This one took me a while to interpret. It’s also the one I picked.

Helpless and Hopeless– You may be feeling conflicted about how to proceed in a situation involving a loved one. Your attitude is going to make all the difference. There are two clear paths ahead of you but that doesn’t mean that one path is right and one is wrong.Don’t let your fears cloud your thinking. Don’t be afraid to take charge and take the action you have been afraid to attempt. This is easy to say but when it comes to your loved one, things are never that simple. Even though you are feeling frozen with indecision, take a deep breath and ask yourself what small step can be taken to move this situation forward. You are neither hopeless or helpless unless you let yourself be.

Material and Spiritual Prosperity– Once you take the action from card 1, you will begin to feel a peace surround the situation. This card can also signify getting counsel from someone close to you who can help you talk out your options. The helplessness you may have felt in the first card may be due to you isolating yourself or trying to tackle the problem on your own. The theme of this card is generally giving and receiving. If you are always the giver and don’t allow yourself to receive, your life will be out of balance. Getting help doesn’t equate being helpless. You will feel so much more at peace once you take the action.

Prince of Autumn- The Seahorse– I love this card because of the balance shown by this animal when it is in its natural environment. Your natural environment is love, and you need to achieve balance in yourself in order to aid the loved ones in your life. This card urges you to make a plan and then immediately put it into action.Again, the stagnant feeling needs to be done away with (all 3 cards have addressed this). Get the details of your plan in order and then go! This card indicates a person who isn’t afraid of hard work and who can be depended upon to do the right thing. If you need time to iron out details, be sure to take it. Just as the seahorse has an exoskeleton to protect itself, you have guardian angels watching over you and your loved ones. You have what it takes to provide peace and prosperity for your loved ones and for yourself.

Overall message: Your fears will be dispelled once you take an action, any action. Peace and prosperity will be restored once you get in the right mindset and let others (don’t forget to ask the angels) help you. You are not alone.

You have the number sequence 1,2,3- taking things step by step.

Ace of Summer– I have to say I’m jealous of those of you that picked #2 because they are all beautiful cards. This card signifies a new beginning in a love relationship. It traditionally shows a cup with water overflowing which signifies that giddy time when you first fall in love. If you are single and asked about a particular person, congratulations! The feelings are quite mutual. For other loved ones this card can signify that you have just entered a new phase with your loved one and it is going to be a happy and blessed period in your life. The dove is a symbol of this peace and also of the pure nature of your love.

Spread Your Wings– This card can symbolize feeling restricted in some way. You may be restless or unsure how to proceed with what you want opposed to what a loved one may want. Even being in a relationship can feel like a restriction due to the temptation to let other things in your life go to the wayside while you focus only on your loved one. Don’t fall into this trap. No matter who the loved one is, don’t forget to love and honor yourself. If you allow your loved one’s concerns and/or opinions run your life, then you are cheating yourself out of the act of living itself. Any changes you decide to implement can be made with compassion for both yourself and your loved one.

Fertility- If you follow the advice of the second card and make your own decisions, you will give birth to a spiritual renewal. You are going to manifest any kind of growth or prosperity you wish for you and your loved ones. It will be impossible to stop you once you get started. The seeds planted back in the first card are now going to flourish- happiness, comfort, abundance, prosperity, and yes even children will begin to surround you. Again, this is dependent on you doing what’s best for you as advised in card 2. This card in traditional tarot is the Empress, and she is the nurturer of the tarot. I won’t be surprised to see that many people who were drawn to pile #2 are mothers asking about their children.

Overall message- Allow the renewing nature of love to infiltrate your life as you nurture not only your loved ones but also yourself. You are in a powerful manifestation period of your life so embrace it and don’t be afraid to share the love.

Hold onto your hats, pile 3. Lots of action coming your way.

Choose Wisely- You have many opportunities open to you right now, and you may feel like your energies are scattered. Similar to reading 1, you may be feeling like if you take the “wrong” opportunity, you will be doomed. This is a mindset you want to avoid. You are in control of the situation and need to make a decision you can stand behind. Unlike pile 1, however, you do not have to rush into action. Take the time you need and don’t feel pressured to make a choice. You want to make a focused wise decision that is not influenced by what other people are telling you is the “right” thing to do.

Prince of Winter– Once you allow yourself the time needed to make a well-thought out decision, you are going to see thing immediately fall into place. There will be something unexpected that occurs once you make your choice that only adds to your blessings. Because you chose logic over emotion with card 1, things are going to be happening quickly that advance the well-being of your loved ones. This prince could literally be your Prince Charming if you asked about romantic partners. He is going to rush in and sweep you off your feet. But be careful that he doesn’t use his determination to be your savior to take all power away from you. Victory and success are yours as long as you keep your wits about you.

Believe and Succeed- This card urges you to think and act as if your goal has already been achieved. It is urging you to rely on your faith to guide you to the outcome you most want for you and your loved ones. Just as the pictured lighthouse is guiding boats safely through the night, you are now called on to the beacon for your loved ones. Recognize the power inside of you to affect the lives of your loved ones in positive ways. They are relying on you to be the source of strength that you know you can be. You should be proud of this role of guide and use it to the advantage of your loved ones.

Overall message: You are in control and are going to make the right decision for yourself and your loved ones. Get ready for lots of action followed by lots of recognition for the light you bring into the life of your loved ones.

Check back midweek for another pick a pile reading. February Break is upon us so I have some time to do more than one this week. Hope you enjoyed your reading!

Through My Prayers

by yankeefran, posted in Uncategorized

This is one of those songs that from the first time I heard it, I couldn’t get out of my head. I have said often that I’m not trying to interpret the meanings of these songs because I feel that only the Avett Brothers know what they are trying to communicate. However, this song does seem to be talking about regretting words not spoken to someone who has passed on:

Feels like no one understands
And now my only chance
To talk to you is through my prayers
I only wanted to tell ya I care

Another lyric talks about knowing the right words to say but realizing that it’s too late to say them to the person. I think anyone who has lost a loved one, especially if it was unexpected, can relate to this horrible feeling that you now have the words you needed in the past to heal that relationship. Even if you have a faith like the writers of this song do, you may feel like you hate yourself because your clarity came too late.  When my father passed away, I was lucky enough to have spent a lot of one on one time with him in the 6 months leading up to his death because of my unemployment during that time. Although we were never big talkers, I feel like the time we spent together at his chemotherapy and radiation sessions were enough to help heal some of the hurts we inflicted on each other through the years.  When he passed on I only had to deal with the sadness of his death and not with unsaid words between us. Unfortunately, not everyone has that time before the death of a loved one.

As hard as it is to deal with unsaid words with a loved one who has passed away, I think it can be as equally hard to have a lack of communication with someone you care about and is still living. I have had friendships and romances where I or the other person did or said something so wrong that the entire relationship was severed. One friend completely cut me out of her life when she felt I took an ex-boyfriend’s side over hers (he was also a friend of mine). No number of calls or emails could convince her that I wasn’t taking sides. She went from wanting to share an apartment with me one month to never talking to me again. Another example is when I stopped speaking to the man I was dating because he wouldn’t agree to take me out somewhere (other than to the bar where he was a bar fly) once a month! He was a homebody and didn’t like to try new places. I didn’t go around giving ultimatums lightly and I wasn’t the most assertive woman at that time in my life. But I felt that if he couldn’t compromise with this request then he was nowhere near good enough to spend any time with me. I doubt that my lack of contact was all that hard for him, but it bothered me for a long time. In both of these situations, there were things left unsaid that may have changed the outcomes if either person cared enough. Obviously, these were relationships that had run their course.

But I recently learned about a term called “ghosting” which is when someone completely stops talking to you for no reason of which you are aware. This has happened to me a few times when I thought I had good relationships and proved to be 10 times more painful than the situations talked about above. One minute I had a caring and very gratifying relationship with someone and the next I was ignored and treated like I was a complete stranger. Not knowing what I did wrong or if I did something wrong was torture for someone like me who tries to avoid conflict at any cost. I have written so many pages filled with questions and words I would love to say to these people who have ghosted me. Most of the words are things that I left unexpressed but that I really wanted the other person to know. The writing does help but the unknown keeps pecking at my brain and my heart. “Why?” can be the most agonizing unanswered question and being ghosted compounds this by not being able to make things right if there actually is a reason.

When my fail-safe action of writing didn’t help quiet the unending repetition of “why”, I decided to try and view the separation as a way for the Universe to teach me a lesson. I spent time talking about it with a trusted friend and then tried to pack it away just like Seth sings (Sometimes it knocks me down, sometimes I can just put it away).
It worked for quite a while too but still was painful when the inevitable dreams would occur or when something reminded me of the situation. I finally decided that I needed to accept that I might never know the truth. I have turned to the tried and true Serenity Prayer to help me deal with these situations. For those who don’t know, the prayer says

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

It is a prayer said by many recovering alcoholics and drug addicts who are trying to take things one day at a time. I think it has helped me because finding out “why” was becoming like an obsession. Instead of just letting life flow, I was determined to know the reasons behind the losses. All this did was make me sad and frustrated. While things haven’t changed with the ghosted relationships, the way I view them has. I am accepting that I can’t change how the other person feels. I will also have courage to tell that person how I feel if I ever get the chance. Wisdom is coming slowly, but I’m grateful that someday it will all make sense.

.\

Satan Pulls the Strings

by yankeefran, posted in Uncategorized

Do you like good surprises? I find that most people are at one end of the spectrum or the other. I am one of those people that loves to be surprised. For my 30th birthday some friends threw me a surprise party which remains one of my favorite memories ever (my 40th was spent in a hospital after celebrating a little too much and breaking my ankle…not too keen on that memory). One of the most pleasant surprises I’ve received in the last few months is this song, “Satan Pulls the Strings”. As you will see in the video at the end of this post, this song shows a whole other side of the Avett Brothers. Gone are the lovely melodies and melancholy feelings. This song ROCKS. It is no better or worse than the softer and more folksy songs. It’s just different.

I don’t claim to know what the band is thinking when they write their songs, but this one inspired me to think about extremes found among and sometimes within people. My favorite lines in the song are when Seth practically screams the following:

God is in the song and the devil’s in my feet
My God, devil’s in our feet, mama, the devil’s in our feet
God is in the song and the devil’s in our feet

It’s like he is proclaiming that the music is the “holy” part of their performance and the dancing that it inspires is the “evil” part. Of course, that is a simplistic view, but it’s a duality that I can relate to. This duality is a part of my life everyday. I absolutely love music and detest dancing (unless I’ve been drinking and then suddenly I’m the girl in the white dress in Saturday Night Fever). I believe that we can find those extremes inside us all. See if you can relate to any of these extremes:

I look forward to summer for the whole school year yet hate hot weather. I am a true baseball (Go Yankees!) fanatic yet love to have my nails done and to claim to my sisters that I am a delicate flower. I have a sometimes wicked sense of humor but also a history of depression and anxiety. I absolutely love being around children yet have none of my own. I am a hopeless romantic who craves lots of alone time. I can binge watch Game of Thrones and follow it up with Downton Abbey. My writing allows me to express my private feelings easily while talking one on one often turns me into “mute girl”, a well-earned nickname in my 20s. I have spoken eloquently in front of mourners yet get tongue-tied when trying to express my sympathies one on one. Two of my all-time favorite movies are The Departed (a violent movie filled with gang violence and police corruption) and Elizabeth (a historical biography filled with lords and ladies). My chosen career is a traditional and sometimes conservative one, yet I sport 3 tattoos, change my hair color at least twice a season, and have a fascination with the spiritual realm.

I could go on and on about the duality I have found within myself, but you get the idea. Even if none of my examples resonated with you, I’m sure you can pick out at least 2 or 3 contradictions within yourself. What I think is essential in recognizing the yin and yang in a person is the act of balancing out those extremes. It seems like our souls help us when we are leaning too far to one extreme or another. When I’m relying too much on my sense of humor, that is often a sign that I’m trying to avoid something that is troubling me deep inside. In the past when I’ve spent a little too much time with my romantic partner, petty arguments began because my soul was looking for a way to get some alone time. I tried for years to adopt a child despite financial hardship because I was certain no one would ever love me enough to have a child with me. Once I accepted that I couldn’t afford to adopt, the desperate longing to be a mother began to subside and I finally began to love and accept myself. What I have found is that recognizing what needs to be balanced in your life can be the key to a more peaceful existence.

I was born on the cusp of Libra and Scorpio (October 23rd) so the scales which symbolize Libra may have influenced this piece of writing. I often say that my nice, caring, and gentle side is my Libran influence while the bitchy, secretive, and hermit-like side is all Scorpion. But now I am realizing that I need both sides to be happy. Examine and try to balance out the extremes found within yourself ,and you may find yourself as ecstatic as the Avett Brothers appear to be in the video below. And if you find yourself dancing along, just say the devil made you do it.

Pick a pile…2/8/19

by yankeefran, posted in Uncategorized

If you are not a FB friend of mine, you may be wondering…hmmm…when did the Avett Brothers write song called Pick a pile? Is that the newest single? No. In addition to my “regular” job as a teacher, I also read tarot and oracle cards on the side. I started doing what is called “Pick a Pile” readings where I display 3 piles and people pick their pile for this week’s message from Spirit. This week the focus was on what the Divine wants to you to know about your situation (up to the person picking to think of one). I tried posting the explanations of each pile on FB, but I wasn’t able to write as much as I wanted. So, I’ve decided to post the messages here. During the school year, I will do these about once a week. However, if I’m on break (5 more school days…yes!) I probably will do 2 or 3. I’m sorry to interrupt the great inspirations I get from Scott and Seth, but they’re God-fearing boys so I don’t think they’d mind (Or they may think I’m a satanist for using oracle cards so they may be quite upset. But since they in all likelihood will never see this page, I’m willing to take the chance.)

Here are the messages for the people who picked pile #1:

3 of Cups- Take the time to celebrate with family and friends. There is no need for an official holiday or reason to celebrate. Just be thankful and rejoice for the blessings in your life are only just beginning.

9 of Raphael- Go ahead and make a wish about your situation because this is the Wish Card of the tarot. It talks about dreams coming true and everything working out for the good of all involved. You will have a reason to kick back and have some fun very soon. This card harbors good news in all areas.

0- New Beginnings- The wish you made leads to new beginnings in your life. Your only caution is to be confident as you make a leap of faith into your future. Look for the opportunity that you have been waiting for and seize it even though there will be some unknowns.

Overall message: Whatever situation you inquired about, things are very positive and you will soon be starting a new phase in your life.

For those people who picked pile #2, here are your messages:

I mistakenly put the wrong stone with this photo. Sorry.

17- Temperance- For such a spooky looking card, there is a positive message. Recently you had a need for balance in the area of your life you inquired about. Do you see that red flower in the foreground? That symbolizes potential and new growth in the situation. If there is still a lack of balance in this situation, strive to find a way to even the scales. Be assured that once you do that, a breakthrough will be on the horizon.

5- Divine Guidance- Another thing for you to work on in order for this breakthrough to occur is to listen to your intuition. Spirit is currently trying to speak to you through that little voice or urging you feel inside. Take the time to ask the angels to send you a sign if you need it. They are just waiting to help but cannot do that until you ask them.

8 of Wands- Accelerated Motion- Once you do get your sign and follow that advice from the Divine, be prepared for rapid success. You have a time of great progress ahead of you if you follow what you already know is the right thing to do. If you have been frozen with fear over the outcome, don’t hesitate to take that first step. Once you do, you will have the spirit of the Divine pushing you forward.

Overall message: Talk to the Divine (i.e. pray, meditate, journal) about your problem and listen for the answer that is coming your way.

And last but not least, here are the messages for those who picked pile #3:

Again, wrong stone. Sorry.


6 of Swords- You are leaving a very difficult situation or time period of your life. This card looks gloomy and spooky but it actually signifies a time of healing going on in your life. You are making the decision to leave the past hurts and heading to the future with hope in your heart. Although you may not have made this difficult decision yet, you know deep in your heart it is the right thing to do.

4- The Emperor- 4 is a number signifying stability and prosperity in your life. Once you have made that decision to move on, what is waiting for you is a stable situation where you will actually be the one who has the power. Don’t be afraid to make ambitious plans because Spirit is supporting you. The only warning is to don’t become so rigid that there is no room for flexibility. Think about the palm tree. It stands upright and tall but is able to sway with the wind. You can do the same with the winds of change going through your life.

9- Material Harvest- This card pretty much says it all. You will be having a time of increased finances and blessings. If you can manage that balance of strength and flexibility, you will be lead to abundance in all areas, especially if your situation dealt with finances or career. Just as the man’s pose indicates, open your arms to the blessings coming your way and give thanks as always.

Overall message: The bad times are behind you so face the future confidently for you have so much to look forward to.

Don’t forget these are general readings for lots of people so they won’t give the same guidance as a private session. Feel free to contact me for my 9 card readings ($33.00) tailored to your situation. You will receive a photo of your spread and an in depth analysis of it. As you can see, there is nothing to fear when requesting a reading and the potential of lots to gain. Hope to hear from you soon.