Welcome to the first post on my new blog, One Foot In, One Foot Back. If you have known me for a while, you may have read some of my entries on my previous blog called Making Beauty Out of Ugly Things. Consider this an updated version of that blog. I plan on writing on a variety of topics as they come to mind. You will probably see entries about music (like this one), spirituality, children, baseball, and a number of other interests that make up the person I am today. One of my sisters told me that my writing is quite depressing which may be true since I do use writing to work out my emotions at times (as a Scorpio, deep emotions and working things out on my own comes naturally). However, I hope that some of my sense of humor comes out at times. I also hope that you will feel free to respond to my writing whether through commenting below or through other means. I’m hoping to learn a lot as I write and interact with an online community.
I’m beginning this blog in January, 2019, which I feel is going to be a big year for me as far as transformation goes. When I have mentioned transformation (another Scorpio characteristic) in the past, my friends and family have braced themselves to hear about my latest job change, where I am moving to, what new color hair I am trying, or some other wacky idea which would trouble my practical minded friends (okay, maybe the turquoise hair didn’t suit me). But I think the kind of transformation I’m talking about this time is one that won’t rock the boat so much. I want 2019 to be the year that I take care of me. Now, being single and 51, one may think that I must be used to taking care of myself. I have had no husband or children to nurture, support, or put before fulfilling my own needs. Yet there have been days, weeks, and even months where I have felt drained from the demands of my career and from the nonsense of being codependent in a number of relationships. I’m ready to really take care of myself in every sense of the phrase. And I’m beginning with music.
J.K. Rowling wrote in the first Harry Potter book, “Ah, music,” he said, wiping his eyes. “A magic beyond all we do here!”. Music has always been magic for my soul. Whether it was the sugary sweet lyrics of Andy Gibb or the ragged dangerous chords of Keith Richards, music has always been a tonic for me when the world would get too tough. It has always helped to establish an emotional and mental balance which has given me a positive perspective on life even as the lyrics may have pulled on my heartstrings. Learning to play guitar has been a melancholic joy that has opened a new facet of music as I struggle with finding chords that fit together. I have always admired musicians, and now have empathy with how hard the creative process can be.
Those who know me are well aware of my love for bands like U2, the Killers, and the Rolling Stones. Singers/songwriters like Stevie Nicks and Bruce Springsteen have also been decades long favorites of mine. My last blog title was taken from a lyric in U2’s song called “Grace”, and when starting to think about the title for this blog I considered using the same title. But keeping inline with my intention for 2019, I decided to choose a name from my most recent favorite band who have been my lifeline on dark days: the Avett Brothers. I felt like this was appropriate because many of their songs have helped me get through some tough times I experienced in 2018. To say their music soothes my soul may be cliche, but it is also the God honest truth. The harmonies that Seth and Scott Avett produce are so beautiful and expressed with such a soulful accompaniment of instruments as varied as the banjo and the cello that they make me smile and cry while inspiring me to be my best self. Seeing them live this year is a must for me.
My new blog title is taken from a song called “I And Love And You”. The whole lyric reads, “One foot in and one foot back/ Well, it don’t pay to live like that”. These few words from this heartbreaking song really called out to me because it seemed to describe how I have lived most of my life. I have been afraid to take chances in some areas like relationships and adoption, while showing bravery regularly in others. When I made progress in one area of my life, it seemed like I would revert to a bad habit in another area and usually that area had to do with my self-care. So, while it may seem like this title has a negative connotation, I prefer to see it as a signpost encouraging me not to live like that anymore. 2019 has a whole ocean of new experiences waiting for us all. While I am already moving forward in my career, I am not putting my own needs to the side. I’m ready to jump in with both feet. And I encourage you to do the same.
One Foot In, One Foot Back 