Bravery is a tough concept to pin down sometimes. There are the obvious acts of bravery performed by firefighters, police officers, and everyday heroes who risk their own lives to protect another. Then there are the way too many courageous patients battling cancer, dementia, and other horrible diseases as they wake each day forced to face their mortality and the effect their illness has on their loved ones. The families left behind are also obvious candidates for the bravery title. I think it would be hard to find anyone who would argue with these examples of courageous people.
However, there is a gray area when it comes to bravery. This word gets thrown around a lot and can be overused to the point of it being a misnomer. For instance, I get called “brave” whenever I change my hair color. In the past 5 years I have had hair colors ranging from turquoise to silver to purple (it’s currently pink). During the course of a week there are usually one or two people who state how brave I am (just as many people tell me how crazy I am). I always shake my head in amazement because it sounds nonsensical to me. Here’s the thing about hair: it grows. And if you don’t like the color you choose, you can always have it taken out or covered with another color. What is so brave about that? I consider bravery to be an act where you do something that scares you because of how your life can be changed as a result. Pink hair isn’t going to make or break my life.
There are so many songs that the Avett Brothers have written that have elements of true emotional bravery. Almost all of the songs I’ve written about so far have a sense of fearlessness when it comes to expressing emotions. For men in particular, this seems to be a very tricky and intimidating thing to do. The harm that could come from expressing the truth has kept more than one man from coming forward with his true feelings. This makes me believe that emotional pain can be less tolerable to some men than physical pain. And this leads us to this post’s song, “In the Curve”.
Seth details a reckless, drunken car ride in his beloved “..63 Ford” on a “slip n slide highway” one rainy night.
I’ve never taken this curve
Drivin’ this fast before
A glowing stop sign
But both lanes are mine
No seat belts attached to my door
Well my speed meter don’t work
So I’m gonna to guess ninety-five
Well maybe I’ll fix it
And maybe I won’t
It depends on my being alive
That last line in particular encapsulates the recklessness that is the basis for this song. We don’t hear about why this driver has been drinking or why he is taking such a chance behind the wheel, but it isn’t hard to imagine a whole list of reasons because many of us have been there before. Part of why the Avett Brothers are so beloved by their fans is their ability to write about topics that are so relatable. The fact that Seth sings forlornly about his bottle of bourbon which has flown out the window adds a dark humor to the song that makes me laugh and feel sorry for him at the same time. He really seems to care more for the lost bottle than for the chances he is taking with his life. He hints at a woman being at the heart of his upset when he sings about her maybe finding the bottle one day.
So if ever you find it
My photo will go behind it
In memory of me on your shelf
He makes light of dying throughout the song. Now some people may say that this is a brave act because surely everyone is afraid to die. But the truth of the matter is that for some troubled souls the emotional turmoil that they are trapped in can make death seem like a relief. Of course, it is a good possibility that the fascination that some people have with driving fast, living fast, and dying young is really a way to get away from the emotional pain that surrounds them daily. In fact, I think this whole song is the perfect allegory showing the path that many addicts and troubled teens face. The lucky ones make it to the last stanza of this song,
Well I lost control in the curve
And a gas line broke in the wreck
I walked from the ashes
With just a few scratches
My crucifix warm on my neck
Well my good Lord was with me tonight
Just ridin’ beside me tonight
And now we’re just talking
We’re hitch hiking walkin’
We’ll see you in Concord tonight
Discovering spirituality, religion, or any kind of Divine presence in your life can save you from a multitude of evils with self-loathing being at the top of your list. Scott seems to be referring (in his quirky, down-to-earth way)to his own spiritual revelation when he talks about Jesus walking into his hometown (Concord, NC) with him. This is the bravery that every addict must face when he/she hits rock bottom. While the car ride was reckless and would put the fear of God into me, it wasn’t the brave part of this song. The analogy of surrendering it all and starting over is what strikes me as truly heroic.
Nelson Mandela said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear”. I’m glad that whatever demons were haunting Seth didn’t defeat him because if they did, we wouldn’t have these wonderful songs. If you are in a similar situation and feel like dying is less scary than living, please reach out to someone. 1-800-273-8255 is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline and always has someone to listen. Be brave and be willing to try again tomorrow. Who knows? Maybe pink IS your color.
One Foot In, One Foot Back 