I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have gone through a spiritual awakening over the past 6-8 months that has slowly changed how I view the world. Reading authors like Gabrielle Bernstein and Radleigh Valentine have opened my eyes to a different kind of energy in the world that Rad summons up in one little word: magic! While I am not as ethereal and enthusiastic as Mr. Valentine is about the Universe and the Angels that help navigate us through this journey called life, I do now view things like miracles and affirmations as daily experiences. In fact, my viewpoint on life and the obstacles that are thrown in our way has completely changed. Another spiritually minded woman named Leanne Juliette (she is awesome…check her website or on youtube) shared her mantra with me a few months ago, and it has stuck with me like glue:
Things happen for us, not to us,
Such a simple statement yet holding a powerful message. If we change how we view supposed obstacles or misfortunes, we can learn and grow stronger from them. This mantra seems to fit in with the spirit of the lyrics of the song “All My Mistakes”.
I made decisions some right and some wrong
And I let some love go I wish wasn’t gone
These things and more I wish I had not done
But I can’t go back
And I don’t want to
‘Cause all my mistakes
They brought me to you
What a great way of looking back at the events in your life that usually make you cringe. Seeing mistakes as twists and turns that led you to the person you love, the job you excel in , the house that became your home, That is such a more positive viewpoint than succumbing to the self-critical nonsense we normally subject ourselves to when reflecting on the past. Lately I have had the chorus lyrics running around my head, and I couldn’t figure out why. Now I think I know.
My go to response whenever anyone tells me about something that has gone wrong is to say “I’m sorry”. Although I think there are lots of us out there who do this, people often look at me surprised and say something to the effect of it’s not your fault. I recently realized that I do this on default because I have always felt responsible for the emotional climate of any situation in which I was involved. I grew up with a highly functioning alcoholic father who did his best for his family but who did have moments of imparting emotional and/or mental cruelty. There were too many situations during my childhood where I can remember “feeling out” the room to see if my father was approachable or in one of his silent and withdrawn moods. It felt too often like we had to walk on eggshells when he was around for fear of angering him. While never physically abusive, he was also not physically demonstrative with his love or even tolerance of his children. This led me to feel responsible for any negative change in his behavior when really what changed my Dr. Hyde father into Mr. Jekyll was his over-reliance on alcohol.
I used to be angry about this because I felt like this treatment led to so many problems in my life including anxiety and depression. I blamed my poor choices regarding boyfriends as a direct result of being emotionally abandoned by my father due to his alcoholism and his never-ending work life. But all this did was make me feel guilty about putting all the blame on my father. He truly did his best, and I know he loved me because he showed me through his actions. It wasn’t his fault that as an Italian immigrant he didn’t know how to speak and parent 3 very Americanized daughters in the 1970s.
But being on this side of a spiritual awakening means that I realize that I wouldn’t be the empathetic and caring person I am today without those experiences. It also means that I can now see how attempting to “fix” other people and situations is not only useless but also harmful to all involved. So these twists and turns in my maturing self led me to the person I am today, a person I am proud to be. All my mistaken beliefs, errors in judgement, poor choices, and irreversible decisions led me to ME. The person I am today has values, boundaries, and expectations when it comes to all relationships. Changing how I viewed my past has transformed how my future will unravel.
I encourage you to take some time to look at the mistakes in your life that you would do anything to change. Now look for the good that occurred because of that mistake. Maybe it made you more sympathetic. Maybe it made you realize how important communication is in a relationship. However hard it may seem, look for that golden nugget of growth that is hidden within your most painful mistakes. Then take that growth and use it to help build you into the best version of YOU possible. Consider it your own soul recycling program where bad feelings like shame and hatred are changed into enlightenment and freedom. It is so worth the effort.
One Foot In, One Foot Back 