This song makes me wonder if sarcasm develops with age for everyone? I know that I’ve had a sarcastic streak since around 14 when the hormones first took hold of me. My family was often the target for my nasty comments (sorry, Ma). I’m definitely ten times worse today compared to then but I am more discreet about when I use it (i.e. Out with friends? Yes! Parent/Teacher conference? No. Teacher PD meeting? Depends on where I’m sitting).
This song, “Smithsonian”, makes me think that maybe one or more of the band members who are now in their late 30s and early 40s have a bit of a sarcastic streak themselves.
Get the young scientists, tell them “come quick”
I must be the first man that’s ever seen this
Lines on my face, my teeth are not white
My eyes do not work and my legs don’t move right
I love how they are saying that their realization of how time has affected them physically MUST be so unique that they should be studied as oddities. Surely, no other person has lines on their faces and eyesight that comes and goes depending on how tired one feels. They go on to list some cliches that also ring true to anyone over the age of 40.
Call the Smithsonian I made a discovery
Life ain’t forever and lunch isn’t free
Loved ones will break your heart with or without you
Turns out we don’t get to know everything
My bedroom’s an office, my kitchen’s a car
My life is a joke and my bathroom’s a bar
I go there a lot, more than I should
I know I should stop but it feels too damn good
I can relate to having a computer and various bits of school work in my bedroom while there have been too many days where I have eaten meals in my car, running from one errand to another. I’m at a loss for the bathroom line…if anyone else can figure it out, please let me know! But the last two lines make a lot of sense because I think anyone can relate to doing something too much that you know ISN’T good for you but feels VERY good at the time. (For me this list includes dunking Oreos in milk and downing more than one shot of Tequila. In both cases the first one is the hardest but the others just flow until I’m in a overdone haze).
Since I am of the age where AARP feels well within its rights to send me recruiting letters ( rat bastards!), I have noticed some oddities in my everyday life that definitely can be misunderstood by Generation Y and Zs (what is the next generation of kids going to be labeled? Gen “Next time sing along with me”?). In the spirit of this song, I have created my own list of Smithsonian artifacts along with the wings in which I assume you would find them:
Welcome Back, Kotter Wing- “Back in my day”, kids didn’t talk back to teachers. If my sisters or I tried to do so, my parents would have punished me much harsher than any teacher would have. Those “sweathogs” would now be in an alternative school setting with no such label hurting their delicate feelings. If you don’t know what a sweathog is, stop watching “Temptation Island” and put the Decades channel on once in a while.
Golden Oldies Wing– I don’t know how to use regular radio anymore. I felt like hearing some good 60s-70s rock the other day and it was almost an hour before any band pre-1980 was played. Just when the hell did Pearl Jam become “classic rock”? I mean they formed in 1990 which means they have only been together for…aw, shit. 1990 was 29 years ago? Nevermind (which is 28 years old)…
Which Way Do I Go? Wing– I still use Mapquest when I’m trying to find directions to a place and print them out. Why do this when I have GPS on my phone? Because I still don’t trust the GPS will work as well as the Mapquest directions. I also advise people to go to Triple A for their Trip Ticket when driving long distances. I love how they outline the map for you complete with rest stops. Anyway, the lady voice on my GPS sounds like Karen from Will and Grace (the Original series) which doesn’t inspire much confidence.
Sleeping Beauty Wing– I used to only need to take naps when I was sick or when I didn’t get at least 4 hours of sleep. Now I only take naps when a day ends in the letter “y”. And sometimes twice on Sundays.
Changes in Change Wing- I still carry a small change purse just so I can pay with exact change. Apparently, millennials don’t carry pennies with them. It’s either buy things that end with fives and zeros only or it’s the debit card all the way! I’ve had younger people look at me with disgust when I wait for my change of 2 cents. You never know when that cup of coffee is going to cost $2.37 (all right, it’s every day at Dunkin Donuts).
Calling All Angels Wing- I have no idea how to look up phone numbers anymore. Using a phone book was so easy as long as you knew how to spell the person’s last name. But they are useless for cell phone numbers. Everytime I try to use an online directory to get a cell phone number, there is always a charge. I didn’t realize the “cell” in cell phones was actually referring to selling the phone numbers. I miss the days when you could say “Operator? Can you help me place this call?” (you get 10 old points for knowing the singer who crooned out this lyric…oh, and millennials don’t use the word croon either).
Mixtape Wing– Creating a playlist just isn’t the same as spending hours by the radio waiting for your favorite songs to come on so you could press the record and play buttons at the same time. It also seems lazier than recording songs from various albums in order to get just the right mix. And apparently you can “send ” a playlist by email which I have no idea how to do. (No, child. I don’t want to learn either.)
Faucet is Fine Wing- I live in Colonie and used to live in Albany, Latham, and Rochester. I never had a problem with drinking water from any of my house taps. I only use bottled water when I’m at work or going out. I have seen young people look at me with disgust when I filled my water glass from the faucet. As long as it’s cold, I’m drinking it. And there’s no worry of where to leave my various bottles so that they can be recycled to save the earth.
If any of these scenarios seemed familiar to you, then you too may be a boring old fart or as the youngsters say a “BOF”. Oh well, at least I’m hip with the lingo.
One Foot In, One Foot Back 