There’s nothing like a love song as far as I’m concerned, and “I Wish I Was” appeals to the idealistic Libra in me so much. Each stanza seems to speak to a romantic ideal associated with having a loving partner. But then the Scorpio side of me thinks cynically about these interpretations and gives them a darker twist. It’s like having an angel and a devil on each shoulder. I realize this makes me sound slightly bipolar, but I’m rolling with it anyway. (Again, my common disclaimer is that I have no idea what the Avett Brothers intended when they wrote this song.) So here are my reflections on this quirky love song.
First stanza-
I wish I was a flame dancing in a candle
Lighting up your living room high on the mantle
I could bring some romance without any scandal
And then when you were done you’d just put me out
My romantic take: The candle represents the way love can light up your life and help you find your way. When you are facing a problem, it seems less daunting when you have a loved one facing it with you. The soft light given off by candles, of course, is highly romantic itself. The candle’s placement “high on the mantle” shows how he wants to protect his lover from all the darkness in the world. The blowing out of the flame by the woman is a chivalrous way to let her lead the way in the relationship.
My cynical take: The candle represents how passion can lead you to do things without thinking about the repercussions of your actions. Wanting to be placed “high on a mantle” isn’t putting someone on a pedestal but staying detached enough to make a quick escape. Alternatively, the placement could mean that the writer puts his needs above his lover’s. Extinguishing the flame is the ultimate end to the honeymoon period of any relationship.
Second stanza-
I wish I was a tune you sang in your kitchen
Putting your groceries away and washing your dishes
I could float around your tongue and ease the tension
And then when you were done you’d just quiet down
My romantic take: The tune represents the companionship that comes with being in love with your best friend. Your loved one helps you tackle the errands around the house as well “ease the tension” of the stresses of everyday life. Again, the woman is given the option of when to stop the flow of love by quieting down.
My cynical take: This stanza is all about listening to the lover prattle on about the everyday nonsense in life but never really hearing or caring about the details. Floating around the tongue and easing the tension is all about the sex which is more important to the writer than all this damn talking. The quieting down is what the writer most wants, just stop your damn complaining!
Third stanza:
I wish I was a sweater wrapped around your hips
And when it got too cold into me you’d slip
And when the sun came back you would hang me up
And I would watch you while you undress
My romantic take: Love can warm you up like a cozy sweater on a windy day. It is there for you on the cold days, the cool days (“around your hips), and even the warm days hung up in a closet, close enough to wrap yourself back in. The last line represents how the verb love works: it stands by you, unwavering, as you unveil your deepest thoughts, hopes, and fears.
My cynical take: Love can become obsessive and overwhelming, just as you can be swallowed up by an oversized sweater. It is how a person can lose his/her identity by no longer being yourself but by changing into the writer’s girlfriend or wife. Again, the lustful energy of sex is reflected in the last line.
Now before you click off this post and think that I am just reading too much into the lyrics, let’s look at the chorus:
But if I get too close
Will the magic fade?
Would I turn you off or away?
If I pull you in
Now would I push you out
Of something here you care about?
Well I’m at a loss for what to do
But I’m drawn to you
Tell me these words aren’t filled with the same dichotomy I wrote about in the stanzas above? It really does speak to the confusion and the insecurity that is part of the act of “being in love”. Going into a relationship with a highly romantic view of how it will develop can be just as bad as going in with a cynical attitude. But in the end the writer makes clear that this song is a letter of apology for past mistakes.
I’m not a song
I am not a sweater
I’m not a fire
I am something better
I’m a man in love writing you a letter
Will you take it
Will you keep it
Will you read it
Believe it
I love you
I’m sorry.
The honest and direct apology can only be interpreted in a positive way. And I think this is how most good relationships flow. We try our best to support our partners and to show our love through different ways. But when we inevitably fuck up, the most heartfelt way to fix things is through an apology with appropriate actions. And the most mature way to respond is with forgiving open arms, realizing that you too will one day need the same magnanimous treatment.
So, who wins? The romantic angel or the cynical devil? I think the person who has a partner who is self-aware enough to recognize when he/she is wrong and savvy enough to approach with a heart-felt apology is the ultimate winner. And as long as the Avett Brothers keep writing these nuanced love songs, I will keep writing about them. It’s up to you whether that’s a good thing or not.
One Foot In, One Foot Back 