As a writer the most important tools I have are the words I choose. On some of my posts it can take over an hour just to have a sentence convey the message I have in my head or heart. When it comes to speaking, I often stumble over my words and part of the reason may be because I’m so fastidious about my word choice ( I considered using the “persnickety” and “anal” for fastidious which shows you how crazy I can be with word choice). More than once in my life I have had to rely on the written word to express myself when any other person would probably just have a conversation face to face. Words are precious to me, and I honor the power that they can have when I use them.
There are song writers (beyond the obvious topic of this blog) who have inspired and motivated me with their selective word choice. Bruce Springsteen expressed my main romantic malaise in “Hungry Heart” before I even knew what the word malaise meant. U2 wrote a lyric so beautiful and inspiring that I have it tattooed on my arm (“Grace makes beauty/Out of ugly things”). Poets like , W.H. Auden, Langston Hughes, and Sylvia Plath made me awestruck in college with the overwhelming feelings communicated through their poetry. Jen Sincero, Jen Lancaster, Shonda Rhimes, and Jack Canfield have motivated me to change both my mindset and my life through their transformational books. The written word has been my lifeline through so many heartaches and disappointments.
However, I know that words can also be used as weapons and I have been hurt by more than one careless phrase or another (I also have done my share of hurting). I think once we realize the power that words can have over someone else we suddenly lose a bit of the purity of our soul. As we have all experienced, young children often are unaware of the repercussions of some of the things they say. I know I have laughed out loud more than once when a young child has said something inappropriate or a little too true to my face. But once we learn that we can hurt others with our words, the possibility of using them in an intentionally malicious manner takes some of our innocence away. Bullying and the formation of cliques in school are often the first tastes of cruelty that many children experience. Words then can become a double-edged sword that we wield to show our dominance over another person’s feelings while actually making us less of a caring person.
The Avett Brothers sing about the complexity of words in “Ten Thousand Words”. They begin by talking about the very real complication of overthinking a problem leading to a lack of action.
Ten thousand words swarm around my head
Ten million more in books written beneath my bed
I wrote or read them all when searchin’ in the swarms
Still can’t find out how to hold my hands
And I know you need me in the next room over
But I am stuck in here all paralyzed
For months I got myself in ruts
Too much time spent in mirrors framed in yellow walls
Overthinking is one of the most damaging forms of self-sabotage because of the ability of the words to confuse and distort the truth we are looking for. It is a self-absorbed process even when it concerns the welfare of another person. While we may fool ourselves into believing that we are trying to come to the best decision for all involved, what we are really end up doing most of the time is to frustrate and anger ourselves and the people we care for. Relying only on how your mind manipulates words is a sure-fire way to lead yourself into a wrong decision. Tuning into your soul and your higher self through acts like meditation or following your intuition are difficult but helpful ways to let all the words go and make decisions in a more productive way.
They go on to comment on how it seems like everyone has an opinion on most topics regardless of their familiarity of the topic. The chorus seems to point a finger at all of us and right back at the band.
Ain’t it like most people? I’m no different
We love to talk on things we don’t know about
Ain’t it like most people? I’m no different
We love to talk on things we don’t know about
Whether it’s gossip, the latest political scandal, or what the Kardashians are up to, we all can pontificate when around certain people. As wrong as I know it to be, I often find myself smack in the middle of a gossip fest once I’m with a certain crowd of people. And whileI have the democratic right to slag off any idiot in office, I have to admit that I sometimes base my words on my emotional response to something he/she has said. I often don’t have the complete facts about the situation. I’m not saying my opinion would change if I had them but I am saying that I recognize myself in the chorus. My words shouldn’t hold the same weight as the words of someone who actually is familiar with the facts but they do. This is probably made worse by social media and the ability to write opinions in blogs like this one. Right or wrong, words have become public in a much more widespread way and without credentials or needed relation to the truth.
So what is the final verdict on words? Well, I think it is as complicated as some people view faith. If your faith is used to help make you a better person, then it is a positive attribute. Conversely, if you use your faith as a way to judge and to condemn other people then it is a negative trait. It is all in how you use it. The ending lyrics of this song appeal to me so much because they seem to be intent on expressing love despite the misguided words of others.
And after we are through ten years
of making it to be the most of glorious debuts
I’ll come back home without my things
‘Cause the clothes I wore out there I will not wear ’round you
And they’ll be quick to point out our shortcomings
And how the experts all have had their doubts
I think the stanza is expressing the difference of what “others” (i.e. the press, their fans) THINK they know about them and what is actually true. The band members know that the words of the people they go home to are the only ones worth hearing. The opinions of others are too sullied and/or too clouded by fandom to reflect any personal truths. To me the line “…the clothes I wore out there I will not wear ’round you” expresses their realization that their families are their haven from the sometimes clashing and confusing opinions of the outside world.
When it comes to the power of words in your life, I hope you will think about these points:
- If you are allowing words to play over and over in your head, be sure you’re not allowing them to keep you or someone you care about stuck.
- Be careful in the words you use in anger or judgement because they are revealing more about you than the intended target.
- Be liberal when trying to build up another person with your words because it could be just the saving grace they need.
- Look for inspiration in the written and spoken words of others (thank you U2, Bruce Springsteen, and Avett Brothers).
- When listening to the opinion of others, consider both the source and their true motivations.
- Always go back to your trusted family and friends for the truth.
Nowhere near 10,000 words, but hopefully you can find some authenticity in them anyway.
One Foot In, One Foot Back 